"This is not my doctrine..."

Last week for our traveling Family Home Evening (commuting gives us a variety on where we hold FHE), we had Book of Mormon Trivia. It was AWESOME! We opened with this question:

What did Christ say was NOT his doctrine?

We heard a lot of ideas.

To steal? To lie? To be mean?

And the answer is.....

3 Nephi 11:29 - 30.

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

 Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away."

So this week, these verses have caused for a lot of thought. And, so, I will blog these thoughts

The devil will to stir his pot and throw families in the mix of it. And, frankly, I don't want any of it.

I can see why the Lord commands us to pray for Charity...

Moroni 7:44-48

"...he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.


And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."

because it doesn't come naturally. Even in families.

Mosiah 3:19
"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

In Relief Society today, we discussed Elder Scott's talk from April General Conference entitled, "The Eternal Blessings of Marriage" A story (click here to read the full text) was shared about a couple wanting to marry in the temple. They went through a lot of hardships before they actually made it to the temple. The teacher posed the question:

"Why, if all these hardships happened, did they continue to try and reach that goal, to be sealed in the temple?"

Good question! So, re-wording the question:

"Why, especially with my family, do I continue to try and reach that goal, to have charity?"

Because as a mother, I can help create a place where we can love to be. And, because I believe the words penned by John Hugh McNaughton.

There is beauty all around,
When there’s love at home;
There is joy in every sound,
When there’s love at home;
Peace and plenty here abide,
Smiling sweet on every side,
Time doth softly, sweetly glide,
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Time doth softly, sweetly glide,
When there’s love at home.

In the cottage there is joy,
When there’s love at home;
Hate and envy ne’er annoy,
When there’s love at home;
Roses bloom beneath our feet,
All the earth’s a garden sweet,
Making life a bliss complete,
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Making life a bliss complete,
When there’s love at home.

Love becomes a way of life,
When there’s love at home;
Sweet, insistent end to strife,
When there’s love at home;
Glad submission each one’s gift,
Willing pledge to love and lift,
Healing balm for every rift,
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Healing balm for every rift,
When there’s love at home.

Anger cools and pressures cease,
When there’s love at home;
Children learn to live in peace,
When there’s love at home;
Courage to reach out in grace,
Meet a stranger face to face,
Find a reconciling place,
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Find a reconciling place,
When there’s love at home.

There’s no question you can’t ask,
When there’s love at home;
There is strength for any task,
When there’s love at home;
Sharing joy in work or play,
Confidence to face the day,
Knowing love will find a way,
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Knowing love will find a way,
When there’s love at home.

Kindly heaven smiles above,
When there’s love at home;
All the world is filled with love,
When there’s love at home;
Sweeter sings the brooklet by,
Brighter beams the azure sky;
Oh, there’s One who smiles on high
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Oh, there’s One who smiles on high
When there’s love at home.


So, I am commiting these verses to memory, to heart, to soul.  Hoping in the internalizing of these verses that in those moments of irritation and frusteration and disappointment, I can remember His doctrine.

Thankful Thursday #4

Tonight, I am downstairs here, cleaning out some old email, editing and posting older blog posts...and I wish they would keep their old dates, but they don't. I hear the children upstairs with their cousins and feel a bit like I may be needed upstairs. So, as I am thinking this, my husband comes down and kisses me on the cheek and says with smile on his face, "You look a bit frazzled, dear." WoW! It must show all the way to the back of my head (my hair is really something else!). Anyway, he has shown a lot of kindness to me throughout our marriage. And tonight, while I am feeling a quite sleep deprived and yes, a bit frazzled, he is very understanding. So, tonight's post, I am thankful for a sweet husband who reminds me that he is my best friend, particularly on days when I am feeling a bit unlovable.

Listening to the Spirit

Today, I tried very hard to listen to the Holy Ghost.

I wanted to follow.

And yet, I roller coastered through the day, some moments hearing, recognizing the Spirit's whisper and acting immediately...

Like when I woke at 6 and thought to read my scriptures early...

and so I did...even though my bed and tired body were screaming at me to go back to sleep.

And then as I read and my 2 year old clamored for attention, the Spirit whispered to listen and hold her even if I didn't study straight through...and so I did.

And a lot of moments, hearing, not really listening...
and then choosing MY OWN way....

Like when I was feeling flustered at my perceived "laundry pile" of demands...perceived or otherwise and...I felt to just keep doing what needed to be done, not to point fault or confront with irritation...and I did otherwise.

Since I was very young, parents and family and church learders taught me to listen to the Spirit.

They taught that listening - hearing requires me to:
be...
quiet
patient
still
humble
loving
calm

and have...
faith
hope
charity

It requires me to:
drop...
selfishness
pride
ego
anger
doubt

I am 41 and feel like a novice in hearing the Spirit ... in learning to tune the dial.

Perhaps, before I grow very old, I will be well seasoned in the skill of listening. 

Maybe one day...I hope...I will be as good a listener a President Thomas S. Monson.

 

Thankful Thursday and French Cut String Beans

 When DH and I married, we decided not to postpone starting our family.  So we were not completely surprised when as newly weds we were expecting our first child.

What we didn't expect was nine months of morning sickness accompanying our scholastic poverty.

One morning we were discussing our plight...both of us jobless, with him in school and living in Hawaii. I had been having what seemed like severe cravings. I wanted a milkshake or fruit. Something fresh, or cold. That something did NOT include canned french cut string beans, which was what we had in our cupboard.

So, laying in bed, hoping for a reprieve from the nausea and vomiting, I tried convincing DH to go for a walk to the nearest Star Market or Jack-in-the-Box and buy me something my stomach would enjoy. Like a piece of fresh fruit or a milkshake.


DH is very practical. We had both been seeking for jobs for a couple of months but were still without work. And looking at the budget...of something like $11.00...and knowing that was all we had, he said very practically, "Honey, I'm sorry. We don't have any money for that. But, there is a can of string beans I can open for you."


With those words, I was convinced DH didn't love me. He did not understand my need to satisfy this craving. He didn't know that I could not stomach another can of string beans. But maybe he did. And maybe he knew that was the best he could give then.


And so, he walked to the shelf, picked up, yes, the last can of beans...which was the last can of anything on our shelves, opened it and handed it to me with a fork.


I slowly ate over half the can, all the while complaining in my mind about the lack of empathy he had over our situation. I thought nothing about this being the last can of anything. I thought nothing about my DH who had nothing for breakfast...and now nothing at all.


Needless to say, the beans stayed down for the most of five minutes. And then I cried. Cried over impatience with this situation. Cried over DH and lack of empathy. Cried over missing family. Just cried. 

Did Heavenly Father remember us in Hawaii? If so, I was convinced He would help. But where was the help?

Shortly after eating and spewing the beans, and feeling really left alone, the mail came. 

Enclosed was an unexpected check from a loved one whom I had loaned money to years previous. The money was enough to cover rent, utilities, expenses, groceries, and yes even a milkshake. 

Time and other pregnancies have helped temper me during these craving moments. To realize the world will not end if I cannot satisfy that craving instantly. 

It has been just recently that DH has explained his side of the story and that I have understood his love in giving me that last can of beans. My selfishness blinded my ability to see this.

Tonight, DH and I went to the temple and reminisced about this experience. I have tender feelings about it now. Tender feelings toward DH. Tender feelings toward God. 

So, tonight for Thankful Thursday, I am thankful for the can of beans.

Irritation Management

Ether 12:27- And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. 

Last night, DH and I went to the temple. It is always such a good thing to go. It helps me regain perspective, direction, peace and empathy/understanding.

So, what I discovered after a night at the temple is that I need to chill.

Too often, I get mental over little things...things that don't matter. I have blamed these mental moments on being too tired (which I am sure can have an affect on perspective), I have blamed it on "if only they would listen", or "if they'd try understanding my point of view", and I have blamed it on "they just don't understand!"

Anyway, after pondering "peace and contentment" this past month and wanting to know how to hold onto it when it comes. And after a good long time of trying to figure out how to get it back once it comes and goes, and hold onto it, I think I caught a little glimpse of how to achieve it.

Ouch! Good ouch! But ouch all the same.

So here are the thing I've discovered.

If I want to be happy, it is not by controlling others or situations. I find happiness when I respect my and other's agency.

Demanding others does not bring peace! To me or them. Just irritation and contention (I know...these are no brainers...but I am just learning these in my heart and hoping to get them to stick firm into memory).

Before I get in a rut of demands, when I think I am not happy because things are not going my way, I need to step back and say nothing. But silently, pray for eyes to see and ears to hear and a mouth to be quiet. And then act (PATIENCE).

I am discovering that happiness can be mine...not based on decisions of others, but because I choose it over being irritated.

There are things in my heart that I understand but cannot put into words. The Spirit speaks to me so.

Anyway, Heavenly Father is very patient with my learning curve. He knows I can overcome these things I do that set me back. He doesn't give up on me. He continues to teach me and trust that I'll follow Him. Thankful for His perfect plan and for His Son, Jesus Christ and His perfect atonement. One day, with a lot of prayer, and work, and help from Them, I'll have this mastered.