I see the Hand of the Lord today

I see the Hand of the Lord today.

This morning, when I felt too tired to get out of bed and study together with DH,
I felt the tug of the Spirit to go,

and

heard the tender words of my husband
that his day runs so much smoother when we have our study time,

and so,

I listened.

This morning, as he and I read together,
I learned from Lehi's example,
that in all things and in all times I can show gratitude to Heavenly Father.

This morning, when the girls came up for prayers, breakfast and scriptures,
they were willing, and cheerful,
albeit tired.

This morning, when I knelt to pray, 
I felt the Spirit's comfort.

This morning, before our children left for school,
their grandma gave each of them a hug
and an "I love you!"

Listening to the Spirit

Today, I tried very hard to listen to the Holy Ghost.

I wanted to follow.

And yet, I roller coastered through the day, some moments hearing, recognizing the Spirit's whisper and acting immediately...

Like when I woke at 6 and thought to read my scriptures early...

and so I did...even though my bed and tired body were screaming at me to go back to sleep.

And then as I read and my 2 year old clamored for attention, the Spirit whispered to listen and hold her even if I didn't study straight through...and so I did.

And a lot of moments, hearing, not really listening...
and then choosing MY OWN way....

Like when I was feeling flustered at my perceived "laundry pile" of demands...perceived or otherwise and...I felt to just keep doing what needed to be done, not to point fault or confront with irritation...and I did otherwise.

Since I was very young, parents and family and church learders taught me to listen to the Spirit.

They taught that listening - hearing requires me to:
be...
quiet
patient
still
humble
loving
calm

and have...
faith
hope
charity

It requires me to:
drop...
selfishness
pride
ego
anger
doubt

I am 41 and feel like a novice in hearing the Spirit ... in learning to tune the dial.

Perhaps, before I grow very old, I will be well seasoned in the skill of listening. 

Maybe one day...I hope...I will be as good a listener a President Thomas S. Monson.

 

Irritation Management

Ether 12:27- And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. 

Last night, DH and I went to the temple. It is always such a good thing to go. It helps me regain perspective, direction, peace and empathy/understanding.

So, what I discovered after a night at the temple is that I need to chill.

Too often, I get mental over little things...things that don't matter. I have blamed these mental moments on being too tired (which I am sure can have an affect on perspective), I have blamed it on "if only they would listen", or "if they'd try understanding my point of view", and I have blamed it on "they just don't understand!"

Anyway, after pondering "peace and contentment" this past month and wanting to know how to hold onto it when it comes. And after a good long time of trying to figure out how to get it back once it comes and goes, and hold onto it, I think I caught a little glimpse of how to achieve it.

Ouch! Good ouch! But ouch all the same.

So here are the thing I've discovered.

If I want to be happy, it is not by controlling others or situations. I find happiness when I respect my and other's agency.

Demanding others does not bring peace! To me or them. Just irritation and contention (I know...these are no brainers...but I am just learning these in my heart and hoping to get them to stick firm into memory).

Before I get in a rut of demands, when I think I am not happy because things are not going my way, I need to step back and say nothing. But silently, pray for eyes to see and ears to hear and a mouth to be quiet. And then act (PATIENCE).

I am discovering that happiness can be mine...not based on decisions of others, but because I choose it over being irritated.

There are things in my heart that I understand but cannot put into words. The Spirit speaks to me so.

Anyway, Heavenly Father is very patient with my learning curve. He knows I can overcome these things I do that set me back. He doesn't give up on me. He continues to teach me and trust that I'll follow Him. Thankful for His perfect plan and for His Son, Jesus Christ and His perfect atonement. One day, with a lot of prayer, and work, and help from Them, I'll have this mastered.

Alive in Christ

Yesterday I was feeling very blue.

At some point, I curled up in bed to take a nap hoping to sleep off some

of the sleepy sadness I was feeling.

It felt familiar...depression of not too long ago.

As I lay in bed, I reached up for the scriptures and read where I had left

off the night before.

Mosiah Chapter 3

A beautiful chapter on Jesus Christ's atonement.

When I came to verse 19...which reads:

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

...my spirit felt the need to reach for the Atonement to heal and lift and

pull me from the place I was in.

I had been relying on my dear husband to help pull me out of the blue and

depressed state in which I felt stuck.

And when I read this verse, I knew to Whom I needed to turn.

Only in Christ can my burdens truly be lifted.

So, in that quiet moment,

I poured out my heart...

and waited...

and listened....

I felt His peaceful reassurance,

and comfort

that coming to Him is the only sure Way to find peace.

Sometime later, after sleeping for just a short while,

I woke,

my spirit lifted,

filled with hope and reassurance of God's and Christ's love for me.